What are your plans?

My dearest Lord,

I have these questions for you that only you can answer.  But at the root of them all is this, "What is your will, and how do I fit into that?"  I guess I just have to remember that I may not get a clear answer, but there are doors open all over the place; so many opportunities.  I will walk towards the doors that are open and see which you close.  And that I am satisfied with!  Thank you for my yearning to move forward and my contentment where you are taking me!

I love you!

-CJB

Edit

I don't know what to think right now.  I still want to go to Amsterdam more that I can express, but right now it just seems so far away.  The question on my mind right now: "Is God editing my plans according to his will?"  It has been about 9 months at my current church, a church geared towards Urban Missions.  I am just throwing it out there, this may be where I'm supposed to be headed, not Europe.  However, I have a heart for Europe, but that doesn't mean I need to be there right now.  Maybe I could do three months in Amsterdam before coming home to Urban Missions.  We'll see what the future holds as time continues on.  Just throwing out the idea of change.  Sometimes writing it out makes it less scary than it is in my mind.

My Beloved.

A photo from the original voyage to Amsterdam that started it all.

Middle of the Beginning

As I sit here in the world of my Amsterdam playlist (currently listening to Sufjan Stevens, "Chicago"), writing e-mails to different organizations, I am getting excited about the prospects of missions work in Amsterdam.  It was just more than a year ago that I was sitting across from the Palace in the city-center watching an artist sketch the world around him.  Being drawn to more than just his art, I walked over and sat down next to him.  Our worlds colliding, we shared of languages and faith.  He expressed his questioning attitude of God, but announced nonetheless of his commitment to a Bible study.  From that moment, I was in awe of His work in this loving and accepting city.
I have never felt more at home so far from my physical dwelling.  In fact, as of recent, I realize that my physical dwelling and the city I call my home don't feel like home.  It is a place I rest, but am not completely comfortable in.  Not because of who I live with, but because I am being called elsewhere.  I have come to an understanding that I will be here for some time longer, but still have hopes of being drawn back to the beautiful city of Amsterdam.
While I remain at home (or shall I call it my house at this point?) I am gearing up for the possibility of leaving.  I have been e-mailing and contacting people about different organizations and opportunities in Amsterdam that I could be part of.  But all in all, I need to remember that no matter where He places me, I must go if it is His will.  I need to remember that this may not be His will either!  There certainly is that chance, but at this point, I am stepping forward to search out His will in Amsterdam, and if He closes the door on this, then so be it.  Even the prospects of going are thrilling; I'm just excited to finally be feeling alive and ready to start the living process again.  I am ready to see where He calls me!